As another travel season winds down, and the car steams to a cool after clocking thousands of miles, it is time to reflect on the lessons learned. It’s not just parents traveling with children that discover Travel = Stress. Adult-only trips, too, risk raw nerves, bed bugs and food poisoning.
I’m not advocating that you follow my advice. Your experiences may differ vastly from mine. But for me and mine, following these guidelines have smoothed ruffled feathers, kept dinner partners from storming off, and ended the trip happy to be home but sad the journey is over.
Sally’s Rules of the Road
(or How to Survive a Road Trip with Marriage Intact)*
Choose the right snack
- Skip chocolate unless the high temps are 75º or under. Candy coated chocolate increases acceptable temperature to 85°.
- Avoid any candy named some variant of crumble.
- Orange? Really? How many miles do you plan to travel with orange fingertips before you have a chance to wash it off?
Make time fly
- Keep the driver entertained with books on tape—fiction and non-fiction—about crazy people behaving in bizarre and illogical ways and paying the price for said behavior. (It makes the nuts sharing the road seem normal by comparison.)
Avoid the wrong restaurant
- It’s best to avoid any restaurant with a slash. For example restaurant/gas station. Two slashes are even worse. Eat at your own risk at restaurant/gas station/casinos.
- Always visit the restroom before committing to a table.
Sleep tight
- View motels named “Dreamland,” “Sandman,” or “Capone” with suspicion.
- Drive past strip motels that have been converted to conference centers by roofing over the outdoor pool.
- Inquire about special events. Will lacemakers, soccer teams or bands share the halls? Will the sound of your own snoring drown at the round-the-clock revelry of a community Christmas party?
Route
- Never trust an atlas regarding scenic drives.
- Never eat roe before travelling California’s Highway 1 one while reading tatting instructions.
- If the driver grunts three or more times within half an hour, offer sweetly to review the map and buy him an end-of-day beer.
- If grunting continues, end travel day early and book a hotel within walking distance of restaurant with extensive selection of beer on draft.
*Observations are based on personal experience and are not intended as a guideline for others.
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©2005 Sally M. Snell & Michael Snell, all rights reserved
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